Time Warp

It’s one of the gloomy days I had here in Los Baños. The sky turned dark grey…so quiet that I can only hear the thick of my keyboard. I open my play list, just to create noise. First song in the list is ‘Love, love, love’ by T.Prettyman…the song made me sad, I don’t know why. I released my window blinds and saw a tree (not sure if it’s an ipil-ipil) with its green leaves so still. The tree lures me because it is directly perpendicular with my window. I was hypnotized and I can’t help but to daydream. I look closely at its brilliant flowers, hoping it would elicit happy thoughts and memories. Unfortunately, the sky is so dark and all I can think of are my sob stories.

The scenery is so perfect for those who wish to die at this very moment. One black bird is alone gliding in the dark sky…probably trying to enjoy its freedom while it’s not yet raining. A gloomy tree, trying to be happy with its yellow flowers, stood calmly as if waiting for the heavy rain. The tree is not moving, not even a single leaf attempt to move…it’s like a lonely heart trying not to breath. An Enya song will complete this dimness.

I traveled so far just by looking at the tree. A particular song repeatedly play in my mind…After all the pain you caused me, making love could never be your intention, you’d never know how much you hurt me, still can’t you see, that I wanna fall from the stars straight into your arms…
Please anyone, perform a rain dance for me…All I wish is for the heavy rain to make this tree happy. I'm trapped...Disrupt this time warp for me.

Anonymous you and me

I look at you, you look at me

We do this endlessly
I’m trying to read your mind
Not sure if you can read mine
My senses are wavering
Not wanting to invest on this feeling
Why can’t you see me?
When I’m here softly screaming
You rock my world
In just few words
I guess this is how it should be
I look at you, you look at me…

Tribute to a dearest friend (another post from my friendster blog)

I haven't got the chance to speak much about my friend Gani, but this guy is one of the friends I will forever cherish. We used to eat lunch together, mostly in Philcoa because it’s the nearest place in his office. Gani was a ‘cool geek.’ =) A wide reader, who can talk about Marx in a different light, who can argue with me about queer theory, and so on. He’s my personal counselor, particularly with issues of heart. He holds my hand and tells me how beautiful I am that I should not be wasting my time on useless relationships. His way of consoling me is a tranquilizer that keeps me calm when I feel that time is running out and I’m losing everything (in short kapag agitated ako to meet my own deadlines,wehehehe).

Last December 31, I lost a funny and caring friend in a vehicular accident. He passed away on the very moment we decided not to bug each other because I'm on the field shooting the video of the festival, which is the focus of my thesis. He was also preoccupied with his proposal that time, the reason why the last text I received from him says that we will have a busy week ahead so we will just meet in Diliman for lunch after my field work. I did not have the chance to text him during New Year’s Eve that is why I'm clueless to what happened to him. Part of me says, I should have texted him, just so his family could have inform me immediately. However, it’s not a thing to lament because knowing Gani, he would not appreciate it if I’ll mourn on the ‘what ifs.’ He's a carefree soul.

Remembering him now, I can’t forget one of the last text messages he sent. It goes this way… “Kapatid, according daw to Lilian Rubin, in our lives there are people we consider friends of the road and there are friends of the heart. I consider you as my friend of the heart. Ingat lagi. Gud luck sa defense!”


Gani, you will always be my friend of the heart…